Discussion // Sometimes You Have To Leave
I find myself re-writing this inspired post for the third time. Having recently finished The Mill River Redemption and getting wrapped up in the theme of family, I started to write about large families and sibling rivalry. Then I moved to my own two children and their differences, only to come back around to find a balance of both.
As a parent, I’m guiding my children to understand the one thing about the family that I struggled with well into adulthood — family is family, and will always be there, no matter what.
During my pre-teen and teen years, I struggled with being the youngest child of a large extended family. Having siblings that were much older, I became the instant babysitter; helped raised nephews and nieces, and became angry I didn’t get to experience being a “teen” like my siblings had.
As the last child at home, I helped my mom get through my dad’s death, dealt with her stays at the local hospital’s psychiatric ward, and experienced first hand the embarrassment a child goes through when kids find out at school that your mom tried to commit suicide not once, but twice.
I became angry. Very angry. And I was done with my family.
Already more of an adult than most of the adults in my family, I enlisted in the military at 18 and left home. I believe this one decision saved me.
During my first year away from home, I returned sporadically. Only staying long enough to basically wave hi to family and return to base. As the years went on, my life moved on, as well. I got married, decided to leave the military, and the trips home became less and less. The next time that I truly returned home too many years had passed, my sister was getting married, and I had two kids in tow. Four years later, I made my final trip home to say goodbye to my mom.
No, I didn’t go home often enough, but I didn’t hate myself for it, and neither did my family.
In the many years that spanned being gone, I became a daughter that could have a conversation with her mom and it ends on a happy note. I was able to reminisce with my sisters and not be bitter. I found happiness as an adult that I could never find as a teen.
I realize now, although it was never said, I had the support of my family even if we may have hurt a bit along the way. Family is family through the ups and downs, but I am a better person because of them.
Since my parents didn’t speak good English, I felt like I became an adult too soon. My father had me reading his contracts, call the phone company about discrepancies on our bills, etc when I was in middle school. I understand the feeling. I’m glad that you were able to leave and create your own life.
I think this post captures exactly the enduring bonds between family members. Yes, hard times are to be expected, and striking out on one’s own is normal and sometimes very necessary. In the end, though, the bond is still there.